Bodgeman Cards

Disclaimers

This product is not guaranteed to bring joy, happiness, or resolve familial tensions. Bodgeman Cards takes no responsibility for any emotional, physical, or metaphysical harm caused by receiving or handling our cards. By purchasing our products, you agree not to hold us liable for any injuries, losses, damages, or existential dread.

The materials used may be substandard. However, the ink will never fade, given it's 4% radioactive. In some instances, the card may spontaneously combust. This is an extreme rarity and most likely just a rumor started by competitors. Results may vary.

Under no circumstances should these cards be eaten, worn as clothing, or used as flotation devices. Bodgeman Cards is not accountable if you attempt any of the above and face social ridicule, dental bills, or soggy postcards. If you do manage to find a secondary use for our cards (such as wallpapering a panic room), you assume full liability for the outcome, including all style and psychological repercussions.

Not only do we deny any and all warranties, but we also deny having ever met you, having ever done business with you, or even having existed in the same universe as you—should the need arise. Our disclaimers transcend space and time, so if you're reading this in the future (or somehow in the past), assume that everything remains disclaimed and nothing has improved.

We reserve the right to update, revise, or completely reinvent these disclaimers while you're in the middle of reading them. If at any point you detect a sudden shift in tone or an oddly placed punctuation mark, it might be our legal team rearranging words to further absolve us of responsibility. Sadly, our legal team is a cat. Rest assured, confusion is part of the plan.

By continuing to scroll, browse, or even think about Bodgeman Cards, you are giving us your irrevocable consent to disclaim, deny, and track all of your actions. Should any portion of these disclaimers be deemed unenforceable, the rest of them will remain in full force, like an overly caffeinated legal Calvin with a thousand heads and an unlimited supply of disclaimers.